You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Randomize