i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
