I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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