i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
