I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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