Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize