thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
