I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
