i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize