Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
