i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
this boner is exhausting
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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