I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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