I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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