i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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