I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I will pee on everything he values.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
