just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
