I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
