You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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