careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
