Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize