Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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