I wish I could punch you in the face.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
