Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
