is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
