What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
