you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
