I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
