part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
