Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
