the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's rum buckets o'clock
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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