If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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