cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
