nut hugger
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
