I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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