Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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