I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
