I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
