Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
