Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
