Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
