i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
