Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
