dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
