im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
