Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
