You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
