Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
