so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
