honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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