cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
