my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I die, sorry about rent.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
