please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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