were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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