it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
