you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
