I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
