We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
