we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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