I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
