i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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