we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
