Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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