its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
