I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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