At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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