Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
