remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize