The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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