The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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