I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize