hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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