I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
