Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
