it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
what day is it and did you see me today?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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