I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
