don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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