did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
