I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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