ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
