i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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