my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
