I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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