I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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