Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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